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E’ville Eye Switching to New ‘Enquirer’ Tabloid Format [April Fools]

1 min read
7

Beginning today, The E’ville Eye will begin a new chapter of the publication and will rebrand as “The Emeryville Enquirer.” The Enquirer will be an “infotainment” format with plenty of salacious headlines and juicy, political gossip.

No longer will we adhere to any journalistic ethics, pesky AP styles, distinguishing facts from opinions or truth.

We had a nice run trying to bring real journalism to Emeryville but it’s time to concede that this is no longer what folks want or what is feasible. No longer will we pursue a general news format that includes Food & Drink, History, Public Safety, Housing, Business, etc. The Emeryville Enquirer will focus strictly on politics, politicians and speculation on politics.

Social media has changed the game. No longer do people want to be bothered with having to go to a website and reading. We need to meet them where they’re at and that that means TikTok, Instagram Stories and Tweets.


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The reality is that real journalism is hard. Interviewing people, gathering facts, transcribing what they actually said and providing context … I think our operation will be much easier when we can just start making shit up. No longer will we publish direct quotes from people or link to reputable sources, We’re just going to paraphrase things to fit our narrative and if people challenge us, well, they’re just haters.

We’re ruled by the algorithm and if the world wants selfies of John Bauters, then we’re going to delivery that to them (and in case you haven’t noticed, he posts a lot of selfies!). We’re also going to do a deep dive on Courtney Welch’s tweets. The other day, she provides her personal hot takes on housing. It got hundreds of thousands of views! This is apparently what Emeryville residents want to engage with.

Different times necessitate change and we just have to embrace it. Why should we continue to try to bring real news to the community when it’s so apparent that angry vitriol, fake news and click bait headlines are what get all the eyeballs?


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Additional features will include a new horoscope section, a revealing “page six” section and TMZ style gossip column.

Oh, and in case it wasn’t obvious, APRIL FOOLS!

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Rob Arias

is a third generation Californian and East Bay native who lived in Emeryville from 2003 to 2021. Rob founded The E'ville Eye in 2011 after being robbed at gunpoint and lamenting the lack of local news coverage. Rob's "day job" is as a creative professional.

7 Comments

  1. Thanks Rob! I thought for a moment you were going to the news and commentary format (heavy on the commentary) like that bloviating bully, Brian.

  2. Good to know that it was an April Fool’s joke. I have come admire you and your interest in the history of Emeryville.

  3. Made me nervous for a minute! Now I can breathe relief to know this was a joke, so to speak.

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